All I need now is just someone thoughtful enough to understand my situation, my life is really very miserable.
All my close friend who meant to be there 24/7 doesn't even care about what I do. Sometimes all I need is just someone to ask me how am I doing and that should be the solepurpose for the phone call... instead its just to kill someones times.
I'm sorry I missed for phone call, but why would I missed it twice... I was cleaning my wound and its already a painful process... I am really feeling hot and need to cool myself down due to the long cleaming... I picked up the phone and I'm reprimanded for having a noisy environment. I am not ur belonging, u don just come and scold me for no reason.
I'm tired of these drama, I don need this from u. I thought we were friend, but I guess its just words without action.
I'm already in my 20s, perhaps just in the early 20s. Looking back at how much i have been through are just torturous, just how many teens would have been able to survive?
Well i do understand that there is a term in Chinese which says, "Jia jia you ben nan nian de jing" which actually means that every house have its own ups and downs. I should be fortunate as i am not born in a single parent family, but it doesn't really make a difference since my dad doesn't even care about our family. So am i even fortunate? i ever questioned myself.
People may say that they have their close one passed away or even in some illness, perhaps i can think that i am fortunate? Oh wait, lets think my grandpa who took care of my family when we needed pass away on my birthday. Oh and my mummy need to go for an operation, lastly i am inherited with High blood pressure. Wow i am so fortunate! :D
So what if people say they are poor, am i to say that i am fortunate? Come on have you ever had your house splashed by paint by the loanshark, even though your family are not in need of money other that that retard? Oh and did the police came to your door and say, "knock knock! i am here again!" telling you that they need one of your family member for investigation?
There are more that i can't possibly name them out, but what can i say FML? nay i wouldn't say this, i would say this "just continue to fuck my life, for my life is already fuck and its no longer a virgin thanks :D"
It just feel like i am living in my own world
Who cares about u
you think you're really important
than i think you're just bullshitting to yourself
I learn how to be more independent and not to be so soft
What you said was right
And i finally know the reason why
after trying to hard i still get nothing
I am exhausted and i am going to give up
I am thankful for those who still cherish me
for i know my existence was a mistake
I thought i did my best
but in the end it was just a piece of shit
How do people know what u did was really good?
There are just so much for me to think about
i donno what i have to think now
I am really have a headache
Physically
All because of me
Every effort
Everything
seems wasted
All i wish is just to end this soon
I am stupid
retarded
I finally gotten an answer to my question
It is not just because of you
It is because of everything
I am very sentimental
and very emotional
i once said that i will forgive and forget easily
but i have yet to complete my sentence
once bitten my wound will heal
twice bitten it will leave a scar
and for this scar i will never be able to forget
for my brain is like a data
death will stop my memory
Tell me how i feel when i donno
i am lost but yet picked up by some one
i thought i lost all but thank you for all
i felt better when u were there
i never expect that from you
because i thought i have others
until now i realise how foolish i am
thank you so much my friend
u added another word in my dictionary and that is
"True friend"
I will try to forget
as long as you are there for me
i know i will be a nuisance
but please help me as you are my only true friend now
thank you
my
True friend
I guess this is what my life is all about
All that i thought i have
All that i always wanted
It somehow changed
I thought
They would always be there when i needed them
But i guess i am wrong.
Home isn't a place for me to return
What we call as comfort and getaway
isn't afterall what it is meant for.
Why do people treat me as just a sand bag?
I have no idea
Insignificant to everyone
But why would i give a thought for them
When i was insignificant?
I thought i could approach you
All i wanted is to ask you can you send me those picture you took
I am never a superman
i need help
But why do you have to scold me?
Was i a sand bag to you?
I am tired
Really tired of all this drama
How tough life can be
Friends that were meant to be was after all not the one u seek for
How complex one life can be with the present of selfishness and ignorance
Perhaps that is what friends meant to them
Or perhaps it was me who was just a clown to everyone else
I cried for helps
but recieved little
Those who have helped, i thank you sincerely
I feel so helpless
Even though i kept spamming
but it was still limited
Just how would a desperate feel at this state
Perhaps it is time for me to realise this
Being good doesn't mean u will get good treatment
Because u will just be at the losing edge.
Be selfish
thats what i would say...
